JwEpTlE's Xanga

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 02:06:54 GMT

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 17:00:44 GMT

im going to go away for a few weeks to recover my health, so hopefully i don't have to take surgery...so ill miss u guys, n won't be able to answer my cell, n my house is underconstruction so i won't answer at home either...sory...see u guys! ill miss u guys more~

Friday, July 08, 2005

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 00:37:12 GMT

what does the letter X stands for in LAX??? the airport...

anyways...

thanks u guys for those who are praying n helping me get through this crappy moment in my life... i hope this won't effect the rest of my life...

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 07:35:07 GMT

its 1:00 a.m. n there are birds chirping?! mabe the babies hatched...

its so dark outside ... like a deep sinking color... my dog is messin around outside, trying to scare me...

i keep forgetting things n then remebering random stuff...

eventhough im tired my mind doesn't want to listen to my tired body... is it that im afraid to go to sleep? i feel like tomorrow won't come if i keep awake... do people with cancer feel like this?

i watched the sisterhood of the traveling pants a week or two ago...n there was this one character who had leukemia... if i saw this movie earlier in the year... then it would have been a lame movie cause it seemed so immature innocent girls who are fwends n how they think their in love n cheesy tings.... but, wow, i related a lot to that movie... n started to think of weird stuff .......like right now... i can't sleep......how can i, wen there r kids younger than us who are in the hospital...or whereever there are stuck knowin they have cancer... it's not sad... it's something that doesn't make sense...to me at least...what did they do, their innocent...probably many of them wen't through a lot of stuff n are wayy more deeper n mature than adults... the word "cancer" means a whole different world if one day a doctor says u have it... untill then everyone think we know, that its scary, sad, n blah...but to people who have it...the word means nothing to them compared to what they go through mentally, emotionally, physically...

"What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things."

"To be sensitive is to feel the thoughts and hearts of others as only you would want yours felt."

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."
~ John W. Gardner ~

Friday, June 03, 2005

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 16:32:49 GMT

can u guys pray that my sergery will go well...n that i won't loose my voice, n i will be all cured.

or mabe....if my tumor will go away n they won't have to cut open my neck....

thanks u guys....

btw...

im never ever gonna go back to hospital agin....n i hope i won't stay there long...ive already been there for a week... with the IV in my vein n stuff... but ill be very happy if u guys visited me in the hospital...im in Choc hospital... wat a coincedence...how i was particitpating for relay for life...n now im fighting for my own life....

but its ok...i noe HE won't let me go to heaven that easily ....

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Wed, 25 May 2005 04:58:53 GMT

im learnin bout romeo n juliet.......

if the two lovers had confessed their love to their families...then mabe they wouldn't of had to die...they didn't give their parents a chance to clear their thoughts eventhough the priest n both house holds accept the marriage.....

lik this.........should two people's love be kept open to everyone n their familes...or in secret were its more dangerous n risky...

......for my dear friend,

i will not use her real name but as a Dove

There was this Dove who was born pure white as snow

but because of the world's pollution, war, n wikedness...

the dove turned brown n eventual.ly black....

all the other birds made fun of Dove.... but her heart was

as loyal n rich as gold.....bout wat do birds know? they only

see the outside.......n one of those birds was Duck(the guy) he wasn't

the best looking, but his humor made him a chickmagnet....

Dove, who has a deep heart, one day saw Duck's true heart n character...

behind the cocky n funny Duck was a true handsome heart.... the Dove

much fell in love with Duck....she was attracted to his heart.... Having to

practice her speech in the nearby pond, n lookin at her reflection... she tried

her best to look as clean n pretty as possible, but all the scars from her rough

road of survival would not come off....n the black had stained so much........

but Dove didn't care.....because she thought that Duck would understand

since he had a true heart and was different from the other birds....

When Dove came up to Duck.....the other birds came and laughed at the

Dove yelling Michael jackson (because of the black....they thought DOve was a crow n since Dove was white...they thought she bleached herself...)

Duck laughed with the other birds to go with the flow.......but that just crushed Dove.........

but Duck was like typical guys.... he soon forgot bout the whole thang n went

to this birdy ball that was a once in a lifetime chance for Dove, n Dove's first

ball ever .......but as Dove cried her voice out...the Duck was drowned by

music enjoying the night with a bird friend who didn't really like Duck anyway

but just liked Ducks shell.....she/ just a regular blue jay was not the prettiest

but was ok to look at because of her blue feathers....but her heart was dark

as coal...in fact it is coal....dark...cold.....

The Dove felt so sad.....because she had hoped for it soo much.....for a month.....

If u feel like uve been like Duck......u should give urself a smack on the face for being so narrow minded....

later on... the Dove looked in the mirror to see her true beaty glow under the moonlight in the pond....her tears has cleared the toughest stains n scars....

but never agian did she look at a guy but his heart

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Wed, 25 May 2005 04:27:49 GMT

sometimes i wonder if i would be happy if i married someone rich right now.....n don't have to worry bout financial stuff n my future, n be able to focus on my education.....will that make me happy?

or is this another mirage or hope which is just the outside picture of

the other side of the bridge of two green grasses...the other side looks more

beautiful......but is someone on the other side thinking the same thing? ..bout..

my life?......

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Wed, 25 May 2005 04:20:40 GMT

sigh~
i spent four hour typing this blog n it deleted _ ___;;
so wtevers makin it quick
today, may 24?, yea, tuesday....wasn't going to go to school, but
went to third p. cause we had to disect frogs in biology...n i was in a group with only girls, n noone will do it.....so i had to disect it n everything.... those who know me wouldn't believe tat i did that...but i just thought of one thing....i took this as a challenge, just one of the steps i had to overcome to become a stronger person to face more challenging obstacles...i mean i want to be a doctor to help kids in third world countries.....(eventhough there is a language barrier...there is one thing that goes transparent trhough that barrier.....thats wat doctors have that i want...)
ne ways...i went to fourth period because mr. owen said he missed me....n i he makes my day... then went home.....but my mom picked me up while she had to go to someone's house.... ofcourse because she's a pastor's wife (another story)
ne ways.... i went to hospital later n to my surprise(which isnt a surprise because werid strangers have been takin my blood like almost everyday now) i had to take another blood test.......
cause they found out i had some dieseases like anemia, hyper calcemia, thyloid...but those aren't that big of a deal...its not like cancer....just some surgery and medication will cure...but the doctor is hiding somehting from me...n my parents.......cause ive been takin too many blood tests n not enough answers....cause i got a call that my blood was shipped to north carolina to get further testted.......n my second blood test was in a huge huge hospital in a room called blah blah lab corp n stuff.......n it took two hours!.......watevers.......i know god won't let me in to heaven that easily........after all he's put me through.....
.......so everyday is like crap cause
either my stomach, head, heart, sides hurt, or back, knee arms legs u name it.....all hurts.......

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Wed, 25 May 2005 03:51:32 GMT

Joanna says.....

IM HOTT URE NOT HHEEEEHEEEE

ok peace out

-cheryl unni

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 23:31:15 GMT

after coming back from mexico mission trip......

realizing that i have no one who r missing me or to

greet me to welcome me back....watchin others hug

their parents n family n smiling together made me feel.....

left out......how come i had to come home to a place where

i will have to endure livin withough my parents.... people may

say its fun havin ur family away from the states.....but those

who really experience how it feel to come home in a empty

house is all so depressing.... but o well.......thats how my life is...

i still had friends who cared for me though.....those who i missed during

the mission trip.........those who i hang out at school.....but ....y when i called

them they didn't seem very excited.......sounded tired.........said they were getting ready for a hangout of morp or spring fling thing.....withought me.......saying how it was in the announcements n blah blah..........i thought they knew how i can't listen well to the announcemets becase my third period class is always talking during the announcement.......n how eventhough there might be posters...i still don't understand wat it means...........this isn't the first time either............they should know that...............thats...wat .......ffriends are...........or ........is it just me?????............."it isn't a big deal" "we thought u knew" "we thought u weren't gonna be there" all these words feels like painful strikes..... IT is a big deal, because friends are IMPORTANT to Me, i DON'T know these stufffz(people who are depressed don't see these things....ANYWAYS NOBODY TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT), not knowing exactly when i am coming back n ASSUMING i was gona come after feels like betrayal.............

..........wat would u have done if u were in my shoes..........

u hav concerts to perform, school, everyday things, parents stuck in another contry because of visa problems, so called friends who say they care but don't even hav a clue wats going on eventhough it shows it in my face, making a desision to go and help an orphanage NOT FOR THE COMMUNITY HOURS but because i really CARED for the KIDS.... having to ask a friend a favor to collect some papers of homework so i could work on it when i come back, but fail to do it because mabe-its-not-there-problem-and-either-too-busy-or-just-didn't-put-much-effort-cause-the-grade-won't-affect-them-but-someone-else.

one of the things i did: went out with some people i 'never met before and had a kick back, drank met some guys n came home late....in the morinin..

during the mission trip i saw so much u can not explain in words.....but this is a summary i wrote in the park debriefing:

Heart Warming: When i saw people's actions I saw God's work and not just the person themselves such as Matt, n how he shared his story and was emotional. How Char was doing all these chorse and house work. How Hannah kept us on track. Espeically Ashley for always giving and giving in work, care, and in eveything she does. The time she was helping this kid with homework. I was also touched by how God helped me cope with the misunderstandings that occured. For example, Erni and Beto apologizing to me, girls giving me bracellets and the picutres I received. I was amazed when JO told me he wanted to pray for me, I felt so happy that i got to help hime when his head was bleeding..... TO make him know thathe sin't the only one going through, made me feel so warm inside. Futhermore i felt more comfortable with my church group and famly espeically meeting Erni, Beo, Ponceano, the boy w/ boots, the one who choked me, and cynthia.

Exciting:

It was exciting how the girls got to talk bout embarrassing moments about guys. Playing with the kids, especially the youngsters and infants that were a couple of days to months old. I didn't want to go to the infant room for some reasong and couldn't because i felt throwing up breathin in the diapers n how babies smell. Later on I got so excited to play with them and feed them that Samuel fell asleep on my shoulder. It was fun, when we got to know each other better and do construction and take pictures.

Enchanting: It was enchanting the way e and miki met a random lil boy on the 1st couple of housr at the orpahnage. The way Eni and i bonded is so amazing and how Ponceano and Andrew were too. Cool how at the Mexican church the people acted the same as Korean churches. Eventhough i dind't know the language it was amazing how this force drove me to go in front of the people of GOd's love and those who may be brwon round but all the same. The way Abe's story about his father showed me that I wasn't the only one. He literally finished all the words for me when i was talking bout my family. another thing is how i could easily undersatnd what he went through or felt like hearing only a few couple of words bout his dad. ..So much harder when pastor has bad childhood and have family.

CHalleng: the most difficult part of this trip was doing the dishes, not giving in to anyone in particular and showing favorities making eveyrhting fair, sleeping and trying to cooperate with certain people and get along, brush teeth with bottle water, not showe much, get dirty have kids wiping thier snots at u constructing. Theywa Miki was hanging out with Andrew and the question she asked him was so hard for me. THorugh that though it distarted me, but in a ways to focus more on everythign else. The way Bryan clapped and sang, participated just blewed me away. doing the dishes.... it was hard not complaining bout how some girls made everyone think we din'dt help at all pissed us and the way Mki didn't put much effort in to it because she wan't feeling well and how Steffani was complaining. I coucln't focus on the dishes, plus i odn't have a good experience with it either. I could of been mad, upset, angry, frustrated, but i learned from this experience to think how hard Julie, Char, Hannah, and Ash weorked. I was upset with this girls attitude and how she treated Steffani, but towardds the end i notice how she needs people and the overpowering to feel confident.

Best part of Trip:

Experinece in the orphanage, Mexico, New song church, and the bonds i made with Ashley and the people, plus the figts each kid gave me......their thougts and hart. God;s touch. Love of my family.how eveyrthing is going to work out...It makes me wonder about tghe quesiton, doe God know eveyr choice we make or does he helps put us back on track... the more of him the more you want to now.... God to know the guys better too. The fact that my faimly is ok makes me feel so good and that i belong in a group feels the best i can ask for right now.. I am very blesssed that i didn't get sick....